I AM A BIG GIRL!!!
yesterday was a really hard day April 11th 2009
i realized that i am a tough big girl
i am not living in my dream life anymore
my dream life is living in my own home in jakarta with my beloved parents and family,
going to santa laurensia like usual with my driver, hang out with my friends after school anytime,
talking with my girls and boys everyday, having a charming boy friend at least a guy that i had, shopping time, creepy teachers and also class jokes.
but i am not living in that dream life
i wish i can have at least a dream of those stuff in my sleep but i never got one:)
but its okay
i am a big girl now
i am fifteenth years old
been living far away from home and family since fourteenth and eight months
been jealous to each of my friend every single hour
been missing what love means almost a year
but those thing still okay
feel pathetic? i am
sometime i regret why this all could be happen
they said your dream is still alive you can just go back there and get it you are a joshine
but i can't back there
then i realized these all stuff
1. that wherever you are you won't be in a perfect world, i have my dream life but it doesn't mean i will live in a perfect world either
2. do you realize that we always define a perfect world with an "if"? all people do that
3. God made my life, i got here because He knew i can do it. and i am working on it!!
4. do you know how hard to be here? i cried a lot but i always happy after i cried. so for me cry is a good thing
5. my parents control me from far far away there they can't do anything if i get into a big problem like i did yesterday. so how could i stand?
i cannot depend to anyone else anymore. I AM NOT .and i knew not everyone can do this, this is the hardest part.
6. they think i am a spoil daddy little princess that get what i want but i realized i am not. i have to make my own life. my daddy can't help me if i get into a big trouble. he is far away down there. it doesn't like before, you got into a problem your dad will come to get you!
7. i am trying to not compare my life to anyone else because we have different own life. you will get a million people that get a better life than you but you never knew that those are billions people get a worse life than you
8. i was drunk and nobody knew. it means i can do anything what i want here. but i have my own faith to make my parents proud of me
9. wondering when i will get a better life because this life is suck like usual. it all started when i broke up with that wonderful guy. problems come just like wind blow me in a rainy day. actually i am waiting when the rain gonna stop. but every start has its ending. so i will get it someday! and i still can stand wind!
10. I PROUD OF MY SELF TO BEING THIS WAY. I AM A BIG GIRL. i am not that joshine who cries to get 'home', i am a joshine who knew i will get 'home' and find a way to get it!
mememememe<3
